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just a weird thought

Catharsis.

My days in the Sun

Are hereby done. 

Just a weird thought 

Why do I try to tame myself ? 

Why do I fear release? 

When the world is a dystopian circus

How do I sit at ease? 
-Iflah Laraib 

Truce

To cross this deep sea

Of uncertainties, losses and gains 

I’ll make a truce with pain. 

-Iflah Laraib 

Words

Oh what words do I choose

to express how and what I rue

for I love words with too much depth

to waste any on you.

-Iflah Laraib

Peacefully disturbed

The dynamics of living seem simple

and yet life remains so complicated.

In an effort to have it all

we break things into little pieces.

We do not stop searching for completeness

Something to fill the holes within us

And when we finally begin to heal a little,

we scratch the wounds all over again.

We spit fire when we are supposed to give kisses

We let go, when we are supposed to hold on

We refuse to accept that we love

Focusing on whatever little is wrong.

And at the end of the day, though we say

That we are just going to be okay

Deep within we know this voice

that’s going to demand more out of life.

-Iflah Laraib

Brick by brick 

With the ashes of my burnt body

The dust of my eroded soul

And the pool of my helpless tears

I’ll rebuild myself 

Brick by brick 

Stronger than ever before. 

Not settling for less

Not silencing my storms

I’ll rage

To find my own path to ‘more’. 

-Iflah Laraib 

An exchange of ideas

During a conversation about life with an old friend, I was told that the definition of a “strong” person has been twisted by the current generation, from something that indicates kindness and emotional intelligence to something that borders along the lines of “a screw up who is okay with other person’s shit”. This got me thinking. 

The innumerable times I was labeled as weak and incapable of trusting –  without even being heard. The times I was yelled at for trying to express myself. The instances I was forced to be okay with being treated like inferior. The moments I was the chaser, I was the taker, I was the cleaner and yet I was “the weaker”. 

Now I look back and realize how strong I was to bear all that in silence. To hope for things to get better. To try and understand the other without being understood. 

This one goes out to everyone who is being told that being emotional is a weakness – I say, screw them. 

-Iflah Laraib 

Last nail (Shadorma) 

Callous, unwavering hands 

he buried her alive

Smug at accomplishment 

Dusted his hands

As he effortlessly pushed 

That last nail in her coffin.  

-Iflah Laraib 

Across the Sun

The constants dissolved into imperceptible variables

Winds turned to storms, screaming unknown syllables

Like the chambers of my heart were flung in different directions

As I took a walk across the Sun.

It seared unlike anything, when all the wounds opened

And the stabs began bleeding, all over again

For want of something that I wasn’t sure existed

As I took that walk across the Sun.

All retreats and writhing cries

absorbed by the charcoal barrier of silence across different skies

With mind and body too tired of defeat

I took that last walk across the Sun.

Who can tell what I am?

None has known of what I can.

Perhaps my ashes would tell the truth

After my walk across the Sun.

-Iflah Laraib

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